Dirty Filthy Snuff: October 2011

Hi, and welcome to another installment of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". I hope that you enjoyed the last installment. And to begin this one I will talk about one very important aspect of society, and that is "male bonding. Male bonding is one of those phenomenons that seems to me to be a very unnecessary thing. While spending time with your male friends is great, I think that there does seem to be a boundary that always is crossed when a group of men all pal around in a pack. The end results usually turn out in two ways, some really corny trip down to some shady, hole in the wall titty bar where every god damn stripper has a c section scar, and for 20 dollars you can cum on it. It's either that or some drunken night out where some of you cheat on each others girlfriends or wives; end up raping some bar "skank" catching some STD, and to top it off one of you kills a stripper by shoving dollar bills down her throat.

And what about hunting? Isn't that a good bonding activity?

See, I don't know, but a bunch of macho, drunk dudes carrying loaded fire arms doesn't necessarily seem like a good idea. In an activity where it's all about who got the biggest gun, or who can bag the biggest buck, you mix in inexperienced young men and you usually get an unfortunately incident that usually results in the group having that many more skeletons in all of their closets. Somebody gets shot, or while drunk one of group has a homosexual or a beastiality incident. So while hunting is fine and pleasurable sport. It's not always the best activity for a bunch of young, dumb and full of cum jack asses to do.

And there is another kind of male bonding, father-son. A great thing depending on the family.fucking dynamic So it's okay if your the Brady Bunch, but a "normal" dysfunctional family, well, then it's not so good. Observe:

Now is that truly the kind of male father-son bonding we want to see. Yeah ever wonder why John Bobbit got his cock amputated? Well, this is a pretty good incite into why. Now I know that this seems a little extreme, and your right. That is because it's supposed to be funny. However, in all honesty what the hell is up with all the bullshit superficial dick measuring contests men have to participate in in order to feel close? I get the sex, and the fun that accompanies strippers (and alike) can be great for all parties involved, but why the most degrading possible activity for all involved? Seriously, activities that will result in someone becoming a father comparable to Bing Crosby.

Yeah, an alcoholic, choir boy actor pot head who was an abusive father. Yup do you really want that? I mean just look at him, isn't he an ugly bastard. The only thing worse than that would if it resulted into this:

Yeah, we all remember this dick. Or this could be the result:

Yes, our friend, the funny man Eddie Murphy. You remember that arrest for soliciting a transsexual prostitute. This could also happen:

Something innocent all of sudden turns into an escalated incident of aggression and violence. So, I guess the point is that while male bonding is important, the only question I have is how many times do we seriously have to watch our drunken buddy try to get it up for a stripper, or take our crippled friend to a titty bar as a joke because we know that he can't use his penis. How many strippers have to die to careless dollar bill placement. And how many have to drown to due one of the fellas standing up in the boat while fishing? How many deaths due to stupid dares, or the father-in-law of the future groom having a heart attack for the excitement of lap dance? So lets think about that while we view this clip from family guy:

Yeah, we don't want that to happen, now do we. Thanks for reading. Moving along.

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I think that's enough foreplay for now, so we will proceed to thing that my five readers have been waiting for. "What Really Chaffs My Nuts"! Today we're gonna talk about funerals and wakes.

What Really Chaffs My Nuts are wakes and Funerals!

A death of any kind is a horrible tragic occurrence, and because of it's impact on those associated with the loss, there is a need for such rituals as funerals and wakes to help and support those in pain. It also could be viewed as a healthy way to grieve. And while that's all fine and dandy, what I don't get is food, drink, and the semi-party atmosphere all of these events or rather the ones that follow. Right? Is that shit weird or what? I don't get it.

I mean you go to the service where everybody is all weepy eyed "Oh my god he was so young", or "It's such as shame boohhhoo! Whaaaa!" As the only real person who gave a fuck about the deceased individual gives the eulogy everybody else just sits all politely, some shedding tears, but others apparently just itching to get the fuck out of the church, and knawl on the free food at the gathering after.

Now I get that I'm being a little insensitive, but after attending several funerals and wakes it has come to my attention as to how phony, and disrespectful these events can be. And I mean on both the family side and the friends. I'll go into the family side first.

I mean it always amounts to some asinine display of love, well like this cutaway from "Family Guy", although still very sincere. But in realty let's be honest even the closest families still come to look at the entire thing as exhausting, and bullshitty. Take for example this:

What fuck is that. Ok, now I get that Uncle Knickknack liked his recliner, football and his "Steelers"
blanket, but does the rest of the family really need to see that corpse sitting out on the alter of the damn church? I understand that you wanna give him one hell of a send off, but haven't you already done enough by posing his body that way. What else you gonna give the corpse? A cigar, a bowel of chips and some fuckin onion dip? Why not hire a stripper to ride his rigor mortis cock before they put him in the ground. Why is it that death hits some of us so hard, but others not so much? I guess we could look at it this way, in terms of family it's very true that we may love our family, but it damn sure doesn't mean that you gotta like em'. How many of you have gone to the funeral for some uncle or second cousin that you didn't know or didn't like? How many of you out there, raise you hands. Okay so I can't see your hands, but I'm sure you have. And what usually happens at the services? You get bored, you giggle at your freakish aunts, and other family members, all the while your knees bouncing up and down faster than high school virgin's premature ejaculation. The only thing you can think about is the gather afterwords, and the fact that your "hot" cousin who is only related to you through adoption might let down her guard and you could score.

So you sit there you try to show your sympathy at your relatives house eating the Baked Ziti , the shrimp cocktail that they somehow thought was appropriate for the occasion. All the while everybody is drinking the free beer and wine, debating about whose child is cuter, smarted, or more talented. The older males of the family are outside with cigars in their hands joking and laughing, bullshit about things at work or last nights game. It's all basically a caring, compassionate, action that supports the grieving. And about the grieving, while all the bullshit is going on the grieving are left on the couch alone to try to make sense of everything, and then when everyone leaves once they've finished feeding on the free food, to true despair.

Woow! Could you imagine the a funeral like that? I mean that's just like the apartments they rent.
But anyway, so now we'll start with the friends. As great as friends maybe, just think about it; unless it's someone their really close to, they'll be there to show support, but they still have their own lives. Look at it like this, it's kinda like veteran's day. We're really appreciative of what our nations soldiers have done for our country, but unless we got one in the family we're more interested in what's our friend is gonna be cooking at his BBQ. That's how it is, right, and be honest to yourself. As much as you may have wanted to be supportive, but if your not feeling it, than what is there to do but eat the free food, get your buzz on, and try to play on one of the hot, but emotional distraught ladies you see in there (if your a guy). It's the only respectable thing to do.

Now before you condemn me, understand that this is just a joke. Anyway so I guess that sums up "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". Take care until next time. I'll leave you with this.

Until next time,

Lou Ford

Dirty Filthy Snuff

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sunday, October 2, 2011