Hello and welcome to another, yet another issue of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". I was away, out of town and I've had some catching up to do. While I was in the process of this I came across something that I thought was magnificent, stupendous, and amazing. 

So this is what really chaffs my nut. What really chaffs my nuts are imaginary friends.

Do you remember what it was like to imaginary friend? That one being that accepted you for all that you were, enjoyed everything you did, and protected you. It was the most important thing in your life, and no one else could see it? Weird huh? Why? Because your a child, and a hallmark of almost any childhood is the advent of imagination. Yes that thing that helps your mind grow, reassuring your parents that your developing normally. That is until this happens ...  

I mean that's the danger of having an imaginary friend, the threat that the delusion will become reality. One day your playing with Bob the Construction Builder, and the next day your trying to give your brother a pair sand box shoe's due to the fact that he stole your plastic army men. Maybe that didn't make any sense, so at first your just playing with your new stuffed Bear named Pooh, and the next day your mauling your mother's arm cause "Pooh" is teaching you how to be a bear. I guess that's why they give kids Ritalin, huh? I mean that's why I was given it. I think, or was it cause of my scout master? Who was it that taught us about stranger danger? And seriously what the hell makes the phrase "Stranger Danger" so fucking fear inspiring that it could actually make a child not accept candy from a stranger. And for that matter who really came up with the phrase "Just Say No To Drugs"? I mean I know that the Reagan's where trying to help the child of America, but seriously just look at Nancy.    

Now that you have, really have you,. Just look at that face, and tell me is that really the face to tell you not to do drugs? Honestly Doesn't she kinda resembles a fruit bat with hair? With that face I would imagine that she'd actually cause a child to try drugs. I mean she's a humanoid bat woman, I'd expect that as a child her face resulted in me having psychological problems. But How the hell did I get off the topic, on right I got ADHD. Or was that after I got my head stuck in the the railing? No, I think that wasn't it, I mean I don't think so, I mean all I remember is being hyper, my mom hitting me and then everything getting fuzzy, and then I had to go live with a foster family for a while. But why am I talking about that, seriously. Imaginary friends kick ass.! Why? 

Do you really have to ask that question? They do cause you came up with them. They won't make fun of you, they'll do whatever you want, they'll stay as young as you want, and they won't ever leave you. Why cause you thought the fucker up, and if by some chance that friend does leave, you can come up with another one. Which by the way why the hell is it cutie for a child to have an imaginary friend, but if an adult does, then they're crazy or creepy. I mean it's the best thing in the world, just ask the lonely guy who has become a masturbating master, or the wife in a failed marriage. Her husband only turns back into himself after her orgasm. Imaginary friends are the best, I mean where would economics be with out  John Nash and his imaginary friends. He won the fucking Nobel Peace Prize, and he had several imaginary friends. How bad can imaginary friends be? Their not as bad as those Teletubbies. 

Yeah, you heard me right, the fucking Teletubbies! Man's imagination has come up with some pretty horrible things, but nothing quiet as evil as the Teletubbies. What you don't believe me. Take one good look at Tinky winky and tell that you don't see a demon overlord who doesn't want to enslave the human race. Yeah, we laugh now at the toddler targeted TV show, but just wait until one day when we all wake up in some red or yellow jump suite with a but flap and an antenna surrounded by a blue sky, rolling green hills, overtly talkative flowers, a sun that has the face of an infant, an happy infant, and bared wire and watch towers where the minions of the Teletubbies watch over us as a loud speaker plays loud gibberish speeches made by Tinky Winky with the sound of "Eh-ho", and "Uh-oh" being repeated so many times that you honestly come to believe that you are actually stand on the precipice of the abyss that leads into hell, and that jumping into that place would be a welcomed relieve to oppression. Damn you BBC and PBS!  

But I'm getting off topic.

But seriously, where would we be without our imagination? Where? There'd be no Alcoholic suicidal Russian novelist, no Looney Tunes, no fucking South Park, and God forbid no mother-fucking Family Guy. Shit, think about it, no damn theater, films, TV, karaoke; we just be a bunch of modernized, Technologically advanced Puritans or Mormons. We'd be like the Amish or the audience of the 700 Club. I mean if there wasn't imagination then there'd be no spoof storyline based, hardly well acted, or believable, but nevertheless hardcore erotic porn. I mean no babysitter who uses her body to pay the pizza delivery boy. No magic jinns who happen to grant sexual wishes. No busty female cops who's uniforms just happen to be daisy dukes, a belly shirt, stocks, black stiletto heels, and a case of bisexual lust so incarnate that her tools for interrogation included a chest of dildos and live sex shows. No more of this:

or this:

Not without imagination? Come on just admit it, we all have or had imaginary friends. They're great, but for anybody out there who doesn't believe me than look at this:

( Photo by Jason Tamvakis)  

Look at the picture above. She's pretty, a model and look a she has a stuffed puppy puppet as a best friend. Looking at that it doesn't seem to bad, does it? And for all you guys out there, just be honest she's hot so it doesn't matter if she has a stuff animal as a best friend, or if she fucking nuts, cause ya just wanna get laid. Imaginary best friends are the best things in the world. "Ted" comes out this summer; staring Seth Macfarelane. Till next time. 

Lou Ford.

FIN

I am sorry that I haven't post anything recently, and that's because I've been swamped with school, and I've been sick. So I will but this out for you. Enjoy the violent cutiness of "The Happy Tree Friends".

See, wasn't that fun.

Until next time,

Lou Ford

FIN

Hello, and welcome to another, another, and yet another issue of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". I will be going away for a week so I may not be able to post during that time, so I am leaving you with this: 

WARNING: This clip contains explicit language and sexual situations. It may not be appropriate for some audiences, especially if you don't have a sense of humor.

Now I could get into how Andy's facial expression could be his O-face, laying out in graphic detail how he takes's the woman in the video from behind and with a forceful thrust enters-but I do enough of that already so I'll just leave it at this: Take That Wholesome America!

And now hers's a message from Peter Griffith from Family Guy.

 

Why that's important? I haven't the slightest clue, but really what does Canada have that we don't? Niagra falls and fucking Moose? Indian Casinos and Quebec? Let's heard it: Free Quebec! Yaaaahhh! But seriously what do they offer besides escape from military service? Anybody got anything? Is there anything good about Canada? I can't think of anything so this was a huge fucking waste of time. This was a collosal misfire, anyway, until next time this is Lou Ford signing off!

FIN 

Hello, it's Lou Ford again and welcome to another edition of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". Today "What Really Chaffs My Nuts" is job interviews. So, what really chaffs my nuts are job interviews. Yes, that introduction to a new employment, and a new employer. It is that annoying, "put on a happy face" sometimes humiliating getting to know you where you'll sometimes met employers who's personalities make Ted Bundy's look like a kitty. These maybe the people who will cut corners, lay employees off and resort to slave labor just to maintain they're security. An one come to mind? How about Kathy Lee Giffert, Martha Stewart who by the way is still somehow americas' go to girl when it comes to home decor or creative ideas for the holidays. I think the  name of the companies softball team is "The Overseers". 

Anyway, these are the jobs where putting aside the internal politics, you run into the customer like the striaght man who cops an attitude because he has been sent out to buy tampons. To them I gotta say put a fucking leesh on it and stop making the employees who your buying the products from suffer for your humiliation. We all basically get the idea that if your buying feminine hygene products it's probably for your wife or girlfriend, and anyway if your such a man you gotta choice; don't buy them! Be happy your not buying lice shampoo to get rid of the crabs you got from that bar slut you fucked a few days ago. If your in line with that and antifucngal cream to boot, then by all means be pissed, take it out on me a little. Shit, tip me a little and I'll slap my self in the face, but other than that shut the fuck up cause just like at your job, I ain't got the time for your bullshit. How about this scene?

Here's an example of another embarassing situation, and don't anybody out there tell me that at some point you(if a dude) or someone you know hasn't gone looking for a vacum cleaner with the destinct purpose of sexual senual pleasure. But even if not just image this, some lonely guy walks in looking for a vaccum cleaner. The guy may seem legit that is until he takes one of the hoses and casually puts it up against his crotch. What do you do when you know that this guy wants a little vrum follow by a suction, an O face and ending with a massive hickie on the base of his penis. Unless this is the "Romantic Depo", if you work at a hardware store, you don't really want to do approach this douche, but your boss insists that you go and help the customer, and above may just happen. And where does this all stem from? Fucking job interviews, that's where. 

It call comes from questions like the one asked below.  

Seriously, what the fuck type of question is that? Where do I see myself in five years? Well could it quiet possible be getting screwed by you in a dead end job where my marriage turns to shit that's to the strees and my only release is paying transent hookers to tye me to an oak tree in a field and stangle me while I touch myself(sorry too much. I do get carried away). or how about this, I'll let the sketch comedy group "The White Kids You Know" school us in the right way to conduct yourself on a job interview. Take it away boys: 

And so what have we learned? Well, that lying on a job application is alright regardless of the consequences. That if you get cought about the lies on your job application, then it's okay to further spin the web of, and then if you get caught bribe the employer so he will give you the job. But FYI, twenty bucks ain't shit. Finally,  if your interviewer calls you on your lies, by oh lets say, calls in an employee you said you knew from a previous job, then hey you can always kill the guy claiming he's a zombie who wants to munch on some brains.. Why not, and while your at it be on a shit load of Acid while your at it just to make it fun. So chew on that for a while, and until next time, this is Lou Ford signing off.

FIN  

Check this out!

Isn't this interesting, arousing, and a bite confusing. Yeah I know, it's Korean Pop music. Pretty kool, right? It's like Beyonce meets Kimchi. But now on to the real shit/









Hello, and welcome to another issue of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". I will start this issue with what were all truly here for, "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". And so without further a due I will begin. There is breaking news of NATO Forces have burned Qur'ans. Now as it was noted in the New York Times, the destruction of the Qur'an in one of the worst offenses in Islam. Plus to add on to that, many of the Afghans are viciously protective of their faith as was proven when they ransacked a United Nations office and killer 12 in April after hearing about a Florida preacher who burned just one Qur'an. Now I just got ask one question, what type retard do you have to be in an overwhelmingly Muslim country, that is still in the mist of civil unrest, and decide to burn they're holiest of holy books? I just got one question exactly how fucking dumb do the NATO, and our military personal have to be to actually believe that in a nation that nowhere nearly as controlled as the west would like it to be, that they could actually drive a truck full with bags containing many copies the Qur'an to a fucking land fill where Afghans work, and somehow not expect someone to figure out what the hell is going on? The workers at the landfill were watching what the military personal was doing. Is our foreign policy that thick headed that we didn't believe there'd be a back lash?

Forget about the "Rice Crispy" cereal dwarfs, the second part with Peter's great, great uncle, the Siamese twins who fought each other in the Civil War. They hadn't really thought it through had they? Just like the Military personal in Afghanistan.

I mean, I'll ask the question once again, How fucking retarded do you fucking have to be to intentionally or unintentionally to burn the fucking holiest of holy books of a national religion. That would be like a drunken french men taking a shit in the main corridor of the U.S. Embassy and then using our flag as toilet paper. If that happened there'd probably some type of upheaval. The citizens of our nation would be pissing on table of every french restaurant in sight, burning pictures of the "Pink Panther" and demanding a boycott on the damn "French Open". I think it's pretty safe to say that the west has a fucking P.R.

Now I get the tenderness of the whole religious situation these days. I understand the stigma that is connected to both Islam and the Western World. The anger that is connected to both, and in reality who can blame both sides for their rage, the harm caused by what many would call the actions of "Islamic Fundamentalist" or the brutality of an invading foreign army that seems more bent on taking advantage of you rather than help but in all honesty, if your part of a NATO peace keeping force, maybe it would be good not to commit acts that would anger the general public to the point that they react violently. That wasn't very well thought through was it. A fucking cluster fuck of idiocy. Congratulations democracy for once again giving freedom a bad fucking name. Moving on.

Here is something for ya!

Yeah I know it raunchy, but come on it's funny! And don't tell me that you adults out there haven't at some point be freaked out by the idea that someday you or your lover won't end up accidentally using glue or Icy Hot  instead of lub for your more adventurous excursions. I think about it. When your in the middle of the sweaty panting and groping and it's time to get frisky, and become an explore kinda like Columbus or that frontier may only have be undiscovered by you. Anyway, you apply it liberally, but then before the fun begins all of a sudden there's a burning, chilly, fiery sensation. Or if it's glue a statuesque harsh frozen paralysis takes over. You try to pull away, but your skin tightens. The more you begin to resist, and panic, the worse the pain. Your  pubs, I said pubs haha! Any way, those little hairs get torn the fuck out as you yelp in pain. If you the dude in that situation you all of a sudden realize that one of your bal ... before I go any further this part of the program contains material that may not be suitable for some viewers, parental or prudish guidance is recommended. That is unless your a sadomasochist which if that is the case then I won't go any further why do I just stop because your probably aroused. So go get you lub, make sure that it's lub, and enjoy yourself.  

So with that I'll close, but before I do all my readers out there please remember one thing, this blog is meant to be funny. While there is some serious under tones, still it is written with go intention. Please don't take offense, I mean no harm. If I have offended  you then by all means write me. You can leave a comment. I would like to hear from you so I can make changes. So until next time, this is Lou Ford.

FIN   

Hello, and happy belated Valentine's day. Since I wasn't sure what would be appropriate to write for this holiday(I'm married) So, I'll present you with this. Enjoy!

And this:

After you've watched all of these, wouldn't you agree that true love is great! Ain't love grand. Until next time, Lou Ford signing off!

FIN

Hey, it's Lou Ford again and it's time for another edition of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". I will being this installment with "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". Instead of beginning by speaking of what chaffs my nuts, I'll show you:

Yes, that's right the fucking exploitative musical albums of children singing adult songs with lyrics that they don't fully understand, but the entire commercial is choreographed in such a way that it's a fucking pedophiles wet dream. And why does it always come on at weird times of the day. You'll see it during daytime television, and then for some reason on a night when you can't sleep the damn infomercial will come on. It's like two in the morning and in your insomniac daze you somehow believe that you've actually enter the "Village of the Damned". You know that film about those psychic children in that town. They take over by forcing everyone who is not like them to kill themselves. Yeah, that one, and as a result you cower in the corner, waiting for for it to end. The shit is sad, sadder and just as exploitative as "Girls Gone Wild" only worse is that it's being sanctioned by most adults. If that is the fucking case then just do us all a favor, and take the children's innocence now. Teach them how to give good fucking hand jobs, strip teases, and pole dancing like this:

Just get the shit over with and turn fuckin' "Chucky Cheese" into to a strip club for kitty fuckers. It's disgraceful that first off the shit is even allowed, but that then the jail bait is put out there like as if they're worms on hooks. And we wonder why we can't trust anyone out there with our children. Here's a perfect example of why. We got the pedophile watching kitty porn at three in the morning when the "Kids Bop" commercial comes on, and bam, the next day they kidnap a child, rape them, and then dump their bodies in a damn ditch. Thank you fucking corporation, and more importantly thank you parents. The high cost of therapy will be well worth the purchase of this rip off of an album. 

Oh yeah, I know that I said that "Family Guy", was dead to me but what can I say accept that I am who I am, am I am a huge fan of "Family Guy". That doesn't mean that I won't be coming out with original shit, but I will continue to use "Family Guy" to empathize my points. Like this:

 

See this is what we might have to have; our children dressed like one of the "Village People and him pal around  Teddy bear whose head is attached to a buff mans body. I mean a cartoon is one thing, but a live action infomercial complete with dance prepubescent youths dancing like their in an apprenticeship for the titty bars of Bangkok is an excellent  prize from capitalism. So if your looking for the next semen filled death in relatives home by some pageant going prepubescent girl, or another Britney Spears/Lindsay Lohan complete with crotch shots while getting out of a car, you got it.   

Moving along. Before I end this I would like to present you this: 

   

I watched this film which I hadn't seen in a while, and it is truly an amazing tale. But, with my "sick" mind the wheels started turning and I thought about what if the story had turned into something like this: the living eat the flesh of the dead and they became zombies and then it became the survivors fighting the mutilated jet fueled  burnt, frostbitten zombies. Something kinda like this:

Just imagine that it's not Swedish skiers, the zombies aren't fucking Nazis, and tada. You got yourself another cult classic. Walking dead, eat your heart out. It's either that, or maybe something like this:

See, you can take an impossible feet, a heart wrenching story of tragedy and turn it into something positive, like humor. Maybe that's why only a few of them actually climbed the mountains.  It's true that you are what you eat, and if some of the Rugby team had eaten pussy then they were pussy's. I'm sorry, that was out of line. Sorry about that. But anyway, just imagine "The Andes Rugby Zombie Massacre". Good title huh? Think about it. I mean just think about it, the Zombies begin playing a game of rugby with one of their victim's heads. Maybe they write number on their shirts with the bodily fluids of those they've eaten.

Until next time, this Lou Ford.