This special time of year is brought to  you by artificial snow.

Snow in a can because what better way to start the season off right then by breathing in the carcinogenic fumes due to no ventilation because it’s as cold as Joan Crawford’s soul outside so the windows aren’t open as you decorate the tree, and all your loved ones begin to foam at the mouth and go into convulsions. And all the while the tree looks all holly jolly with white, crystallize, happy, good, jaunty, delightfully spirited, and jesting with the purity of snow covering the its pine needles.

Yes, what could be possibly more stupendous than unknowingly breathing in acetone, or methylene chloride (industrial solvents) to make the spirits bright? A little tinsel, a string of lights, some hot chocolate, and a few whiffs of industrial grade solvents.

If you don't believe me, then here is the warning from The California Poison Control Center (http://www.calpoison.org/) :

SNOW SPRAYS – Many people like the look of snow on their indoor Christmas tree and use snow spray to achieve this look.  Many snow sprays contain acetone or methylene chloride and these solvents can be harmful when inhaled.  Briefly inhaling the spray in a small, poorly ventilated room may result in nausea, lightheadedness and headache.  Longer or more concentrated exposures can be more serious.  Once the snow spray is dried, it is not dangerous.

Brain damage;

the best gift that can be given; especially at this time of year.



Until next time,


Lou Ford

FIN

Hey, this holiday season is brought to you by White Slavery.

White Slavery, cause how else would Americans get their products if not for big corporations who cut corners by making handy capped children from impoverished war torn nations work in horrible, unsafe working conditions to produce cheap, partially reliable at best productions for our consumption?



I mean can you think of nothing better or American than that? I bet you just can't wait for that poor pregnant woman who works tirelessly day and night all the while breathing in the toxic glue used to manufacture shoes, as it eats holes into her brain until it resembles some mutated piece of Swiss cheese that only a Frankenstein Jerry the Mouse from the cartoon "Tom and Jerry" would crave, to make that new pair of sneakers for you to open Christmas morning.

Thank you Kathy Lee, Martha Stuart, Walmart, Kmart, and all the designer clothing labels for giving us such a wonderful reason to enjoy the season of giving, all the while turning a blind eye to it all.    

 AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, capitalism,

ain't it grand!

And now a here's a Christmas song.

So, before I leave you, remember boy and girls:

And coming soon "What Really Chaffs My Nuts", Proud Honor Role Parents.

So until next time,


Lou Ford

FIN