Hello, hello, and welcome to another horrible issue of "Dirty Filthy Snuff". This is going to be a fairly short one due to the fact that I'm working on what will hopefully be a great "What Really Chaffs My Nutts". It should be great if only I could remember where I put my meds. I need it so that I won't start hallucinations, delusions of grandeur, and the poetic conflict between good and evil. So while I sort out the tension between nice me and mean me enjoy these cartoons. 

Now I know what you might be saying, these cartoons are shit, and I know it. That maybe, and my nice self knows that. Oh by the way, I haven't found my anti psychotic medicine yet. My nice me thinks that I should take it off, but just think about this; in this great nation of ours Reality TV has become a major fixture of entertainment. Now there's nothing wrong with that in my humble option if the fucking program is of quality, but shows like the fucking "Bachelor, Bachelorette, and The Bachelor Pad", do they really represent the idea of quality programing? I mean really why the fuck do you want to watch group of greedy, fame starving people who are more lonely than Tom Hanks in "Castaway" play an extended vision of speed dating where they actually date someone only twice before they get married. You know before such shows as "The Bachelor Pad" I honestly thought that we as a race of people wouldn't be able to accurately put a price on self respect, but I was wrong. Really fucking wrong.

Obviously the price for self respect only costs your picture not being dropped into a ballad box on the night of a rose ceremony. Or how about making an ostrich egg your best friend to somehow win the hearts of America. I mean when that shit comes on, I actually want to club to dead a baby seal with a damn soap in a sock. Now I know what your going to say, and that is it's just TV, regardless in a nation where an elected official somehow comes to the conclusion the a woman's reproductive system has enough presence of mind to prevent a pregnancy from a rape(an utterly asinine statement)the very prospect that people actually let it's message hold weight truly makes the prospect of cock fights sound appealing. Maybe it would just be better to broadcast a a person who suffers from Parkinson's disease tattoo patrons at a tattoo parlor. In fact just make it Michael J. Fox just so we can have that celebrity backing. We could call it "Scribbled Skin".

And then we got shows like "Big Brother", or as I like to call it "watching a bunch of simpletons sitting around with their dicks in their hands, picking their asses waiting to grow on Americans like a antibiotic resistant bacteria that just inflects your flesh festering deeper and deeper into your body until it gets into your blood stream". The Real House Wives; the only thing I wonder is which one is going to die of a prescription drug overdose first? Or how about which one will end dying from plastic surgery while under the knife. I honestly beg for freedom to be taken away from me after an hour of crap like that cause the viciousness of my thoughts when I've seen just an hour makes me want to be forced into a labour camp for reeducation. My mean me thinks that this is a good idea.

You know what's even better about this whole gig is that is with shows like the Bachelor on the air(and with such a following)it makes the one subjects that Americans all struggle with seem easy. That subject is math. Yeah, with ABC making what is essentially a Disney soft core porn.(that consists of Ed getting drunk and a night vision camera filming him under the covers as he screams out Xena Warrior Princess war cries and guttural groans while some bimbo tries to mess with his junk) and that makes arithmetic simple. The one thing that those evil immigrants are good at reality TV somehow makes it comprehensible for us westerns. Hell, I can work at a nuclear reactor because after a show like that feeds me digestible doses of the mean of an incomprehensible emotion such as love, preventing three mile island should be a cake walk.

I've thought about it and I have an idea for my own show. It's just like "The Bachelor Pad" only the single meat heads are locked down on the campus with all the drug and alcohol they can consume in 30 days, and we just watch the results. Leave out some some sharp objects, and buses in some hookers and we got a deliciously shameful disaster on our hands. I'm betting that in some seasons none of them will make it out alive. The ones that don't slip in the shower and break their neck, or drought in their own vomit will end up being stabbed to death. There will be no real money, just the chance to live out all their greedy, lustful fantasies and hope to survive. Or we could just go in for the kill and have a show by the name of "Who wants to Marry O.J." O.J. Simpson will of course be the bachelor. Let's see the ratings on that. One of the challenges can trying on different gloves to find which ones fit, and will call that activity "If The Glove Fits". With that; here is another crude short cartoon:

And here's another:

 See now this is wrong, right? Or is it. Rape is by no means funny, but judging by the culture of our society prison rape is in someway hilarious. There is something about being "Some body's Bitch" regardless of how brutal it is; it's funny? How many films and TV shows have used it to get a laugh. If that doesn't say something about us, then I don't know what does. Let me Repeat myself again about my option on the subject of rape: NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE THE VICTIM OF SUCH A CRIME. IT IS ONE OF THE WORST, MOST DESPICABLE, DAMAGING, HORRIFIC AND TRAUMATIZING ACTS OF VIOLENCE THAT ONE CAN SUFFER. HOWEVER, WITH ALL THE ASS BACKWARDS BULLSHIT ABOUT CENSORSHIP, AND THEN THE PRESENTATION OF SHIT LIKE "DIARY OF A VIRGIN", THE BACHELOR" SERIES, AND SUCH THINGS AS THE INCIDENT THAT OCCURRED AT PENN STATE WHO IS TO SAY WHAT'S REALLY CRUDE, VULGAR, AND TABOO?  
So, I'll leave you with one other idea I have for a reality TV Show. I don't have a title for it yet, but I think that it should be a full hour of watching the terminally ill die from the perspective of a time-lapse. What do you think? Well, I'll work on it and get back to you.

So, in closing, while I hadn't intended on going on a rant, I just did. I guess I just couldn't help myself. But, I would like to remind you that this is a blog that is meant to be humorous. I can and am just as guilty of many of the things and people that I criticize. I don't mean to offend, at least not entirely. So until next time, 



Lou Ford

P.S. 

I found my meds, but while my nice me wants wish you a great day: 

My mean me would like to say:

FIN