Hello once again. This is another installment of “Dirty Filthy Snuff”. I'll kick it right off with the juicy meat, “What Really Chaffs My Nuts”.

What really chaffs my nuts are those drivers that don’t use their turn signals, and well actually driving in general. I mean honestly what the fuck is the deal with people driving and not using their turn signals? I’m not trying in anyway sound like a damn prudish, stick up my ass prick; well actually I know I am coming off that way. But, we wonder why so many people die in auto wreaks each year than maybe we need to examine our methods of driving. Here’s an example:

Your driving along in your automobile, and to the right of you this humongous SUV (well it’s actually more like a fucking luggary cargo ship) with a blond Barbie soccer mom at the helm whose kids are in the back watching “Sponge Bob while eating organic manderine oranges while Barbie texts one of her tribe about the next Sunday punch social. Then she realizes that she’s in the wrong lane, and she simply barrels her way into your lane nearly causing you to flip your car and explode like all the actions sequences in all B-action films.

It’s those same fucks that can’t wait the two seconds for you to step on the gas when the light turns green. And those are the same assholes that will make you sit at a light because they want to make a turn, but don’t feel like using their own turn signal. Which really makes me wonder why the hell car companies should still make turn signals. The whole point of a turn signal is that it lets people know that you’re making a turn. The signal lights are not cute decorations. But I’ll get back to that point in a moment.

See, a turn is to rotate on an axis, or in laymen terms for the soccer mom and snobs alike, it’s the direction you go when you want to get that low fat mocha latte at starbucks. But either way it’s a change in direction, and so if you’re moving in a vehicle made of metal that weights so many some odd tons that can move at so many some odd feet per second than it would make sense that you might want to use some sort of early warning system to let people know that you’re going for to your java. See then that way you won’t end up running over young Tiffany and her Butter Cup troop. She’s an ambitious little girl whose goals include selling the most cookies, marret badges, and becoming the next mouseteer.

“Mommy, I never got to see Justin Bieber” or “Daddy what happened to my legs?” That would be the heads lines, and all because some fucking douche bag

 in a silver BMW wearing sunglasses was distracted because he was busy bragging to some secretary he corned into getting a drink with him. The same prick who would do something like this:

And don’t let me forget about (and don’t take this the wrong way) Asian drivers. You know those ones who when on a four lane highway, and they decide to use their turn signal the second right before they cross over three lanes to get to their exit.

And another thing, what’s up with elderly drivers? I mean the DMV, which was created by freed slaves to get back at the white man, can give back a license to a man who has been convicted of several DWIs; they’ll give it back to a little old arthritic dementia suffering grandma who can barely see over the steering wheel, but someone who is just trying to renew their license and the prospect of getting a colonospicy with a garden hose and a camcorder is more comforting. A little too harsh? Alright enough of bashing such people as the old who forget their meds, love playing bingo, accuse everyone of stealing from them, drink ensure, and have to be careful not to do anything even scratch an itch to hard for fear of pooping themselves. This clan we call the elderly.

Anyway, moving along, there is something else I’ve noticed, and that is drivers who can’t seem to perform well on the road are from the one and only state of New York. Yes, I said it, New Yorkers, almost all of the most deficient, irresponsible, and ADHD drivers with self entailment issued motorists seem to all relocate to the iconic melting pot of America like refugees only to fuck up the driving experience as a whole. Which then brings us to another aspect of driving? You know what it is? Do ya? Come take a guess. It’s one of the great ironies of our modern world. Come on guess.

You figure it out? It’s road rage.

 How’s it ironic? Well, one of the things of modern conveniences which were meant to make our lives less stressful is one of the biggest catalysts of chaos in society. Hence, road rage (aka asphalt ape shit). What would that stressed be due to? Let’s think about that for a second, but while we do let’s take a short intermission, and when we come back you’ll met a little girl who can touch her nose with her tongue.

Hi, welcome back. I was going to introduce you to a little girl from Ohio who could touch her nose with her tongue, but well Tiffany (the little girl) was walking across the street with her butter cup troop, asking her troop leader what prize was won for selling the most cookies, and the new outfit her mommy bought for her Malibu Barbie when an SUV  came careening around the corner and through the cross walk hitting the poor child, smashing into  her at a fairly elevated rate of speed crushing her ribs  causing a punctured lung resulting into internal bleeding as the cute little girl’s screams of terror were silenced by the sharp fragments of her ribs disrupted her. Being thrown from the impact, Tiffany was ejected several feet in the air, her legs broken, neck snapped, turning her from the adorable little girl she was into a bloody, splattered rag doll that no one would ever recognize. And as she died on the hot pavement, her troop leader cradling her head, the young girl hummed a song from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid” before succumbing to internal bleeding.  

It had turned from this:

:

Into this (just imagine that it’s a girl scout and not a little boy):

So, what have we learned? What is the lesion? I’m not sure there is, it’s obvious that there might need to be some tighter regulations on who is allowed to drive. I mean if a decaffe non fat green tea latté with two Splenda drinking WASP whose idea of being on a budget is using her gold card rather than the platinum, and believes that the best way to afford her ability to multitask, and protect her and her two and half children (two and a half?) is by driving the civilian version of an armored personnel carrier so that she can rush home to fuck the pool boy is the poster child of the American motorist then we are fucked. I mean like MS fucked, roach motel "they check in but they don't check out", former child actor, one hit wonder fucked. And all that is due to people not using their turn signals. That’s what really chaffs my nuts.  

AND now here are some more clips of bad driving. Enjoy!

FIN