Hey buddies, How you guys doing? Welcome to another installment. I was wondering, have you ever been stuck out in the cold. Your freezing, and you don't think that you can go on? You locked your self out of the house, and you gotta wait for help. Maybe it's worse, and in order to get by you've had to use your imagination to press on. And, so to keep your mind off of the testical shrinking chill, you think of some place warm. Like this:

Well the same thing can happen with people. You know that douche bag yuppie asshole at your job who hasn't had to have a worry in the world due to daddy dearest providing everything to the point at which the prick believes he's the prince of Zumunda. Or how about those assholes who are broker than all the native American reservations combined during the Great depression, and yet they still insist on leasing a BMW cause god forbid the other "Stepford Wife's" see them without an imported Luxury car. The same thing here.
In this case I'd rather think about loosing all my money to a casino, and in rage full desperation, strangling a showgirl with a hair dryer cord than look at him:

That imagery offers more comfort than the idea of knowing that an all knowing god would have the malevolence to create a face like that. I mean that face looks like a downsydrome suffering Ronald Reagan. I'd rather stick an angry badger up my hemorrhoid suffering sphinctor. Maybe that downsyndrome comment was uncalled for, and nonsensical, but you get what I'm saying.

See, with this new Presidential election coming up, something new, something fiendish has arisen in an effect to take control. It's something that comes at you with a smiling face, a charming warm voice, but bad intentions. No. I'm not talking about I'm talking the hosts of "The View", and I'm not talking about your local boy scout troop leader either. I am talking about the one, the only, your Mormon and mine: Mitt Romney.

Check this out:

                                                          
Look at these two, and tell me that Mitt doesn't in some way resemble the U.S. Senitorial Candidate Greg Stillson from "The Dead Zone". Seriously, couldn't you see him using a child as a human shield if some one were attempting to assassinate him. Of course then he'd feast on the child remains. Moving on.  

This is Mitt, the early years. But in order to understand the man we have to go back further. Much further.

What Mitt really does at the GOP Conventions. Scary huh? But, anyway; let's begin.

So, now we’ll jump right into our story. Mitt Romney wasn’t born in the same way as most are, he was born in that very secret way that only the Mormons allow for their most esteemed, as parasitic, blood thirsty creature who feeds on its’ host, and then ripping through its fleshly human placenta to achieve its ultimate goal, take over the world, and then feed on humanity like they are cattle. That is how Mitt was born. I mean how could he not have been. The man's a Mormon, tell me that doesn't reek of creepy, blood lust, and Christy weirdness? I mean the prick has no standards, he's aligned himself with a catholic politician whose not a Kennedy, his vice president. If that doesn't sound ghoulish, than I don't know what does?

So, Mitt has to be born in that parasitic way. 

which results in this:

  But the hosts couldn't necessarily be just anyone.The hosts are also very important because they the hosts are seasoned missionaries or the children of non-believers. Like this:

This is Mitt's son being born.

Now once Mitt was born, he feasted on the corpse of his host. We’d show you photos of this ritual, but we won’t due to the how truly insidious and viciously, grotesquely incarnadine, murderous and bellicose action. It’s could best described as what happens when Tony Robins gets hungry only he can’t chew so he has to do the crocodile death roll to tear off manageable pieces, and it's a lot less eco-friendly.

 If we did show you Mitt feeding it could be comparable to observing Liza Minnelli having an orgasm, I don’t mean the earlier “Life’s a Cabaret” Liza but “Mama mama! Do you love me now mama?” It would be something that you couldn’t look away from it, resulting in your every waking moment you being haunted by those images. You wouldn't sleep with those memories of those facial spasms 

Moving on, as Mitt grew, he gradually became more troubled. Besides gay bashing, that blood thirsty human flesh eating creature began to learn the real purpose behind Mormon beliefs; recruit whoever you can, and feast on those who won’t, and that gorging included those less valued brides known as the step-sister wives. Once thought to maybe a nice addition to the colony, they soon become nothing more than an in-law the “Man” is married to. I'm talking about the step-sister wives. They kinda become like Fran Dresher with the annoying, nail on a chalk board, nasally voice, but without the psychical attractiveness she actually possesses. 

See, pretty as hell. Nice, kind, and compassionate as hell, but has the voice that just reminds you of an old elderly couple that you see getting on those buses heading for Atlantic city. It fact it just reminds you of new jersey white trash, or a more familiar term for that would be the entire cast of "The Jersey Shore". The sound carries the same annoyance as that oh so familiar stereotypical Boston accent that sadly really does exist. It's the one that when you hear it spoken it makes you wanna attempt to snap your own neck with your bare hands, or maybe even more difficult and painful, attempt to actually fuck yourself. It may hurt, and sure it could be dangerous, but hey the pay off is better than actually subjugating your senses to that noise call English that those people speak. Yuck! Anyway. 

Then came his years as a missionary. Those were great times. I mean what other continent could white Christian men openly feed on the people, the resources, and its culture and call it charity, and get away with it. Where you ask?        

?

?

?

 AFRICA!  

  

Yes, that right, the land that god has forgotten? That the place that all our high school students are convinced is the Middle East as in the whole damn Continent, well besides South Africa. And if anyone has any idea as to where Africa really is it’s only due to Disney’s “The Lion King”. Which is basically what Africa is just without the Civil War, poaching, rape, child soldiers, coupes, genocide, blood diamonds, poverty, drugs, and the long lasting effects that the white man had during his colonial period. "It's the Circle of Life!" Ah, Africa, Mother Africa, the land of mystery and wonder; the birth place of AIDS. It’s just like the Deep South is the birth place of the gum disease Gingivitis, Walmart, and the idea that beastiality is an acceptable alliterative lifestyle. That’s where Mitt felt his call was, feeding and then feasting on the poor impoverished people of nations such as Ethiopia all under the guise of trying to help the “savages” find god. Don’t forget Mitt isn’t human; he’s just taken on the characteristics of his host body, a man. Mitt is really an evil alien hell

bent on turning the earth into one big giant colony for the Queen to birth more eggs from which more monsters will emerge and wipe out

humanity as we know it. Oh, yeah by the way, because Mitt isn’t a man, he is under the thumb of a queen who needs constant nourishment in order to multiply, and that queen would be none other than his wife. You don’t believe me; well you take one look at her, and don’t tell me that you don't see a second set of jaws inside her mouth. I used to think that Ann Coulter was one too, but then I just came to realize that she is a frigid bitch who doesn’t have a soul.

Anyway, Mitt is just like Sally Struthers, the former spokeswoman for “The Christian Children’s Fund”. Yeah, you tell me that when you say those commercials you didn’t think that she was the cause of the problem, Sally was eating all the World Food bank reserves for that area, or that she was really there to solve the problem by eating those delicious humans. But in all seriousness, who the hell thought that it would be the best idea, to get an extremely overweight has-been celeb to be the spokeswoman for your charity. Yeah, I guess that’s gonna bring in the support huh?

It was just like Michael Philip Thomas, the has been from “Miami Vice” who somebody decided that hey, despite the fact the psychic hot lines are already sketchy as hell, why not hire this douche who still dresses like his TV alter ego, and he can be our spokesman "The Psychic Network Hotline". We’ll even let him use the opening line “From Miami Vice to world advice”. What the fuck.

So what have we learned so fare. Well, Mitt isn’t human, he eats babies, cheats on his taxes, and that celebrity has-beens don’t make good spokesmen. Now what can we do about it. Well, we can euthanize all out of there prime actors who insist on making a comeback even after having been in isolation for so long, living on a Judy Garland diet of uppers and downers that the only thing they even remotely resemble is a zombie with makeup on, and couldn’t complete a reading even if the only dialog they had to was the word “a”. Plus, they can’t cash a check anyway because they don’t actually exist, their only real in myths and legends. They’re like the old gods. Just as long as you don’t believe in them they can’t affect you.

Second, besides President Obama, we need this person if we are going to defeat Mitt.

Yes, that’s right we need Ripley, that’s who we need. That is the only thing that we’ll save us from the threat of that evil alien invader. We need "Get Away From Her You Bitch" attitude to save us from having our chest ripped open.  So before I go I’ll leave you with this:

And this:

Until next time, Lou Ford. And remember kids sometimes getting tackled to the ground by the police can feel like someone giving you a really big, warm, snugly hug.                   

Lou Ford

FIN